Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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