Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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