I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
