He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
