Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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