there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
