I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize