if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
