ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
