It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
