What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
