I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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