we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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