No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
