She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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