Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
