found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
