so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
