It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
