Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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