He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
