people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
