NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
