I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
