Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
