Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
