all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
