If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize