Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
