I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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