I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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