Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
