I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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