Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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