were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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