Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
