Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
