Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
