she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize