OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize