Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
