just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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