you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize