Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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