my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there was a trapeze. enough said
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
