You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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