I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Congratulations! We have a period
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
