That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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