You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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