The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
