Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
