I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize