she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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