It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
