There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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