I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize