Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just puked most of my soul out..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
