I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
