I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
