Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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