You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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