so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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