God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
