Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize